A Mother’s Memories

April 30, 2009 by Audreys 

My husband and I often wonder how different losing Katelyn would have been if we were given the chance to make memories with her.   

I remember the first time I heard Scott mention that we don’t have any memories of Katelyn.  

In many respects that is true.  We never saw her open her eyes nor did we ever hear her laugh.  We never felt her arms wrap around us for comfort or smile as she looked our way.  Later that night, though, I started to think about the special moments that I was able to experience with Katelyn as I carried her that a father would never fully understand.

I remember nearly a year ago when Scott and I went dolphin watching.  No matter how hard our guide whistled for dolphins, or tried to get near them, they were always at a distance.  I had learned shortly before our trip that dolphins can sense babies and if a pregnant mother goes into the water, they often surround her.  Suffice it to say, I stayed out of the water, but as I leaned over the front of the boat a little bit dolphins started coming from all directions.  It was amazing.  They swam on both sides and came very close to the front of the boat, lifting their heads out of the water.   I can’t even describe how incredible that felt.  What an awesome God we have that created these beautiful animals with the ability to sense someone that they could not see!   


I also remember the many nights when Scott would read stories from Dr. Seuss, Winnie the Pooh, and The Bible to Katelyn and I at night.  I would feel her jump around at the sound of his voice.  He was able to feel it from the outside, but I can only imagine how different that must have felt compared to what I felt from the inside.  She loved his voice, and no doubt would have been Daddy’s little girl.    


Out of the numerous memories I have of Katelyn Grace, there is one that I will cherish forever in my heart.  On February 21, 2008, Scott and I went to the doctor’s for our first ultrasound appointment together.  Just looking at his face as he leaned forward to watch Katelyn move around and seeing a tear make it’s way down his cheek made me realize that I would never love anyone else in my life as much as I love my husband.  In my heart I know that even though Katelyn never ‘physically’ spent a day with us, she brought us closer together than we could have become on our own.   In my mind, she was brought to us for a reason, and now I must rest in the peace that she is making all kinds of memories in Heaven that she can share with us when Scott and I meet her there one day.


I can’t stress enough that though she was stillborn, she was Still Born.






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