There Are No ‘Maybes’

May 24, 2010 by Audreys · 13 Comments 

Each of us who has experienced the loss of a child found out in a different way. Some of us knew ahead of time that our baby would not survive life outside the womb, others were told the baby’s heart just stopped and he/she would be born without life; still others gave birth to a living baby whose heart stopped during birth, or minutes or even hours after birth.  Whenever the news came, though, our own hearts stopped beating for a moment.  As mothers, many of us were quick to blame ourselves. Recounting those long, restless days right after we lost Katelyn, we desperately searched for a reason; something we did or didn’t do that caused our baby to die. 

At times I struggle with thinking that if I listened hard enough, and spent more quiet time with Katelyn, maybe I would have been able to tell something was wrong.  Maybe there was a sign, something that I missed.  Maybe, just maybe, her death could have been prevented if I had done something differently.  That begs the question, what could have been done differently? 

By far, the worst ‘maybe’ of them all that I must confess crept into my thoughts on more than one occasion was that maybe her death was a consequence of a past sin.  It is when thoughts such as this come to mind that I remember 1John1:9 “If we confess our sins, He (Jesus) is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” It is that promise that I keep close to my heart.      

Remember that God sent Jesus, His Only Son, to die on the cross for our sins.  If we believe in Him, accept His will for us, and repent of our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us. 

Coming to terms with a loss does not always mean thoughts of ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ just disappear.  So for any of you who struggle with the belief that your baby’s death was a judgment from God, I encourage you to pray and ask God to guide your thoughts back to Him.  His grace will comfort you and give you a peace you will never be able to find anywhere else.