A Mother’s Memories
April 30, 2009 by Audreys · Leave a Comment
My husband and I often wonder how different losing Katelyn would have been if we were given the chance to make memories with her.
I remember the first time I heard Scott mention that we don’t have any memories of Katelyn.
In many respects that is true. We never saw her open her eyes nor did we ever hear her laugh. We never felt her arms wrap around us for comfort or smile as she looked our way. Later that night, though, I started to think about the special moments that I was able to experience with Katelyn as I carried her that a father would never fully understand.
I remember nearly a year ago when Scott and I went dolphin watching. No matter how hard our guide whistled for dolphins, or tried to get near them, they were always at a distance. I had learned shortly before our trip that dolphins can sense babies and if a pregnant mother goes into the water, they often surround her. Suffice it to say, I stayed out of the water, but as I leaned over the front of the boat a little bit dolphins started coming from all directions. It was amazing. They swam on both sides and came very close to the front of the boat, lifting their heads out of the water. I can’t even describe how incredible that felt. What an awesome God we have that created these beautiful animals with the ability to sense someone that they could not see!
I also remember the many nights when Scott would read stories from Dr. Seuss, Winnie the Pooh, and The Bible to Katelyn and I at night. I would feel her jump around at the sound of his voice. He was able to feel it from the outside, but I can only imagine how different that must have felt compared to what I felt from the inside. She loved his voice, and no doubt would have been Daddy’s little girl.
I can’t stress enough that though she was stillborn, she was Still Born.