There Are No ‘Maybes’

May 24, 2010 by Audreys · 13 Comments 

Each of us who has experienced the loss of a child found out in a different way. Some of us knew ahead of time that our baby would not survive life outside the womb, others were told the baby’s heart just stopped and he/she would be born without life; still others gave birth to a living baby whose heart stopped during birth, or minutes or even hours after birth.  Whenever the news came, though, our own hearts stopped beating for a moment.  As mothers, many of us were quick to blame ourselves. Recounting those long, restless days right after we lost Katelyn, we desperately searched for a reason; something we did or didn’t do that caused our baby to die. 

At times I struggle with thinking that if I listened hard enough, and spent more quiet time with Katelyn, maybe I would have been able to tell something was wrong.  Maybe there was a sign, something that I missed.  Maybe, just maybe, her death could have been prevented if I had done something differently.  That begs the question, what could have been done differently? 

By far, the worst ‘maybe’ of them all that I must confess crept into my thoughts on more than one occasion was that maybe her death was a consequence of a past sin.  It is when thoughts such as this come to mind that I remember 1John1:9 “If we confess our sins, He (Jesus) is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” It is that promise that I keep close to my heart.      

Remember that God sent Jesus, His Only Son, to die on the cross for our sins.  If we believe in Him, accept His will for us, and repent of our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us. 

Coming to terms with a loss does not always mean thoughts of ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ just disappear.  So for any of you who struggle with the belief that your baby’s death was a judgment from God, I encourage you to pray and ask God to guide your thoughts back to Him.  His grace will comfort you and give you a peace you will never be able to find anywhere else.

Baby Angel Grace/Cradled in Heaven

January 25, 2010 by Audreys · 1 Comment 

In an effort to provide a forum setting for parents who have lost babies to talk/ask questions/provide insight to other parents/etc., we decided it would be a good idea to create a page for the Baby Angel Grace site on Facebook.

You are probably wondering why we use both Baby Angel Grace and Cradled in Heaven.  Even if you are not, I feel the need to explain. 

I distinctly remember a conversation I had with my husband Scott while standing in our kitchen a few weeks after Katelyn died.  After searching online and in the library for any information on stillbirth, we came up empty.  The only library books available were on Miscarriage and Abortion, and the only online resources didn’t give any helpful information for grieving parents.  Sure there is some ‘medical information’ out there, but if you are like us and have been told that there was no ‘medical reason’ for your baby’s death, then that information is pretty much useless to you as well.

We knew that we couldn’t be the only parents alive who suffered the loss of a child, so it was at that moment that we decided to create a website in Katelyn’s memory with the intent to share our story and with the hope that we could help other parents who also had a loss.   

To make a long story short, we bought the domain name of Baby Angel Grace from one provider, but the site was limited in functionality.  In the meantime, 2 wonderful men in our church volunteered to perform the initial set-up of the site with their company.  The only problem was trying to get the URL back.  So, we created  Now, we have both of them pointing to the same site. 

My point in telling you all of this is that we would feel privileged if you would not only become a fan on the Facebook page, but also if you would share your story and your baby’s birth date so that we can remember them on the special day they went to meet Jesus each and every year.  

I would like to leave you today with a verse that came to mind.

In John Chapter 16, verse 33, Jesus gave this promise to His disciples “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”  

Heaven is the Face – Stephen Curtis Chapman

September 28, 2009 by Audreys · Leave a Comment 

Heaven is the Face – Stephen Curtis Chapman

This song captures a lot of what we dreamed about with Katelyn Grace. After listening to the words for the first time, I could feel the pain through each verse being sung.  I am not sure exactly what it was, but something in the words prompted me to search online for anything related to Stephen Curtis Chapman and a little girl.  I had no idea my search would result in an article about how he lost a little girl too.  My heart broke as I read the news article.  Maria Sue Chapman went to Heaven just after she turned 5 due to an accident.  The circumstances are not the same by any means, but the pain is just as real for both of us and our families. 

There is one verse in particular that captures what we imagine it will be like when we meet Jesus and Katelyn in Heaven someday.   

“Heaven is the place where she takes my hand

And leads me to You and we both run into Your arms”

This song and the words were definitely inspired by God.  What a blessing it is to know that He works through even the most tragic of circumstances.  I can only pray for the Chapman family and hope that Stephen is granted some peace just by knowing he is encouraging others who have suffered the loss of a child by sharing his pain through the words to a simple song.   

I pray that the words to this song offer some peace to you as we all wait for the day when we will meet up with our blessed little children.


Father’s Day

June 21, 2009 by Audreys · Leave a Comment 

I can only imagine how difficult it must be for fathers who have lost a child to celebrate Father’s Day.  They are all Fathers who wanted to be Dads, but were not given the chance with the child that they lost.  They wanted to wake up to a laugh, a hug or even just a smile from that child today.  They can have that chance one day, but not here on earth.

The loss of a child before they took their first breath outside of the womb is devastating for both moms and dads.  I know this because both my husband and I still grieve the loss of Katelyn Grace.  We will never stop missing her.  The loss may be different for fathers, but it is no less painful.  From talking with other moms who have lost children, there seem to be two very different ways that their husbands have grieved.  Some feel that since they were never given the chance to be a dad, they are not fathers and often discount their loss.  Others, like my husband, embrace the knowledge that they are fathers.  They are fathers who will never get the chance to watch their child grow up, but they rest in the knowledge that their Father in Heaven is taking care of their little one.     

As the psalmist writes: 

As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. Psalm 103:13

The fathers who are without children here on earth should rejoice in the promise that by calling on Jesus to be their Lord and Savior and living their lives for Him they WILL see their babies again.  When they do, they will receive that hug.  Only Jesus can offer this peace and this promise.  They will be with Jesus and their child forever and ever!

My prayer for this Father’s Day  is that all fathers who have lost a child will (if they have not already) turn towards Jesus and rest in His promises.  His compassion is unending and is offered freely if only they will accept Him. 

I also pray that these fathers will celebrate Father’s Day.  Even though their children are in Heaven, they are still Fathers to them and always will be.

Whether your baby was miscarried, stillborn, or took his/her last breath shortly after birth, by God’s grace they are all resting in His arms.