Joy of One, Loss of Another

August 20, 2009 by Audreys · Leave a Comment 

On August 6, 2009 we celebrated the birth of our son Blake Alexander.  9 days later we remembered the one year anniversary of the loss of our daughter Katelyn Grace. 

I have to admit, those were a tough couple of weeks.  The excitement and pure joy of looking into the eyes of my beautiful, healthy newborn son was a feeling I never imagined.  I felt even more blessed because I know how a loss can impact you and how the gift of life becomes more precious than ever.  Katelyn’s memory was so close to the surface that I spent a lot of time crying because a part of my heart is still (and always will be) empty.  I also spent a lot of time crying for pure joy because Jesus gave Scott and I a gift like no other in our little boy.      

As Blake was about to come into this world, I was given another very special gift; I suddenly had an image of Jesus holding Katelyn’s hand, standing and waiting.  As soon as Blake was born, I saw Katelyn jumping up and down in excitement.  Her dark curls bounced up and down as she clapped her hands.  Jesus stood calmly beside her, laughing with her excitement.  As Jesus took her by the hand and led her away, she turned, put her tiny hand on her lips and blew me a kiss before skipping off into the distance.

Now I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking that there is a way we can communicate with our loved ones who have passed, or that they can somehow communicate with us.  There is nothing further from the truth.  The image in my mind was no doubt a gift from Jesus.  It was His way of letting me know that Katelyn would be excited about having a younger brother and that she knows that she will always be a part of our family.  She will always be our firstborn daughter and WE WILL meet her again someday. 

Katelyn will never be forgotten.  She was born in Heaven so to bring her Daddy and I closer to Jesus and so that we could be a resource to other parents of stillborn children.  I know and believe that without a doubt.      

As I held Blake for the first time I remember that I almost felt guilty for my happiness.  He so closely resembled Katelyn with his little apple cheeks, his dark wavy hair, and his cute little button nose.  That guilt quickly disappeared as I hugged my little boy close to my heart.  He is not a replacement for Katelyn; he is just a beautiful little boy that we will treasure forever. 

As each day passes I see more and more of Katelyn Grace in Blake, and I thank God every day for this precious little bundle that did not take Katelyn’s place, but rather gave us the hope that not only will we see Katelyn again but that we are blessed because we have turned her loss into a way to help other families with similar losses. 

My prayer is that every family who has suffered an infant loss will place their trust in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Without Him, we would be lost in our grief.  By putting our trust in Him we have been given a new life that we will dedicate to Him.          

“I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me.”Psalm 77:1

Jesus heard our prayer and he answered it with a little boy named Blake.