By God’s Grace…we are able to give it all to God

December 15, 2008 by Audreys · 4 Comments 

We have to be completely honest with you; there are moments when our faith wavers in and out.  During those moments, wallowing in our grief, we have come to the realization that our anger, our hurt, our tears, our upside down emotions are all the result of our focus being on what we wanted, not necessarily what God had planned for Katelyn.

 

We wanted to be a family.

We wanted our little girl no matter if she was healthy or not.

We wanted to protect her from all the bad things in life.

We wanted to be a Mom and Dad to Katelyn.

We wanted to raise our little girl to love Jesus.

We wanted to watch her make angels in the snow.

We wanted to swing her around in our arms as she giggled and her long, black curls bounced around.

Most of all, We wanted to tell her how much we love her. 

 

It is a daily struggle and it is so easy to fall into a state of anger, of denial, of hurt, of loss, of emptiness all within a period of a few minutes, or even seconds.  We know, because just out of nowhere something will trigger a thought and it will become an emotional battle to avoid breaking down.  It is natural to grieve, but we have to make sure that grief does not turn into hopelessness.  It is also natural to experience a plethora of emotions after the loss of a sweet, innocent child.  If there is one piece of advice we can give you, it is this – give it all to God.  Take your grief, your hurt, your pain, your anger, your hopelessness, your tears and give it all to God.  Lift your hands and let Him ease your pain.  We are not saying that the pain will go away completely, because it won’t.  You will never forget your precious baby and all the dreams you had for him or her.  Just know that when you give it to God, He will share your pain and comfort you.  Even Jesus wept after His friend Lazarus died. (John 11:35).  So, just as Jesus wept for Lazarus, so we weep for our losses.  Just as Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead to live with Him in eternity, so He has brought our babies out of darkness into the light that only He can shine. 

 

God has shown us that we need to trust Him with our whole hearts, not just part of them.  We now understand that the first words out of our mouths each day need to be “Lord, thank you for staying with us.  Thank you for comforting us in our grief.  Thank you for taking care of our little baby Grace.  We just ask you Father for enough grace to get us through today and enough strength to face any adversity that may come our way.”

 

We have to admit that it never crossed our minds to blame God for what happened to Katelyn.  God did not cause her to take her last breath before she was born, He was just there waiting to hold and comfort her when she first opened her eyes in Heaven.  His heart goes out to all of His children.  He did not take our babies away from us.  We just hope that everyone else who has lost a baby can come to understand this.  Some of you may know the exact reason why your baby was born without life.  Others, like us, will never know until we meet up with Jesus in Heaven.  We receive the same answer over and over again from every doctor we have seen; there is no medical reason for Katelyn’s death.  With this, we have a choice to make – keep chasing down the “Why?”, knowing we will never receive an answer, or accept the fact that there is no “Why?” that can be explained here on earth.  We have chosen to accept that she was cradled in Heaven and wait on the Lord until that day when we meet up with Jesus and Katelyn as she stands nearby waiting for us. What a blessed day that will be for us.