Isaac and Hannah - 2 precious gifts

May 14, 2009 by Audreys · Leave a Comment 

I would like to thank Tina Jensen for sharing her tearful yet beautiful story of losing her son Isaac and then her daughter Hannah.  What a blessing to read her testimony of how she continues to trust God even through her losses.  We keep Tina, her husband Dan, and her 3 precious daughters in our prayers.   Here is Tina’s story…

In December of 2007 I found out I was expecting my 4th child. Dan & I had 3 girls, Angie, Lana, & Naomi. All wonderful gifts from God. I felt differently about this baby, I felt so honored & blessed that God would give me another child. I was truly elated. But then I got so sick, I was queasy at every turn, I was in bed most of the time or just tryin to function through the day. I remember going in to my Doc appointment at about 12 weeks & hearing that sweet heartbeat, & I didn’t care how sick I was! There was my baby! That beautiful beautiful “swish swish” sound. Again, I  had that feeling of ” God, you love me so much, thank you”
So, the nausea passed & I was back to my old self. At 18 weeks I came down with a cold. I felt terrible & went into see the doc & went home with a script. He didn’t check the heartbeat & I remember thinkin how odd, but now I know it was Gods grace.
The following night I started having some spotting, I remember havin that moment where I could hear my heart thudding in my chest. I was so scared, I told Dan & we called the Dr who was not alarmed. He asked if I was having any cramping or fever, I said no & in fact the spotting had stopped. So he told me to come in the next day for an ultrasound. I remember praying that night with Dan & the kids, I asked God to please let this baby be OK.
The next day Dan & I went into to see our Dr. He started the ultrasound & I saw right away there was no “flutter” no movement. Nothing, the Dr was asking questions & I just knew, I just thought “why isn’t he sayin everything is OK???”
He said “I’m sorry, I’m not seeing what I want to see here, I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat”
I laid there & cried & cried, Dan took my face as he cried & said “we did nothing wrong, you did nothing wrong, God wants you to know you did nothing wrong”
The Dr turned & said “you know the Lord right” I am so thankful God put him in our path for this trial. The Dr led us in prayer, I really don’t remember much of what he prayed, or Dan, I just know I kept saying over & over ” I won’t stop loving you God, I won’t quit, I won’t stop loving you.
This was Friday Feb 22.
I had to wait to be admitted in the hospital until Monday, we were planning a home-birth, so I had to go to the hospital with a different Dr.
We had an ultrasound to confirm our sweet baby was gone, he had been gone about 2 weeks. I was induced & waited several hours before any contractions started. Those were very difficult hours. I was so broken. I wanted to run from there, I wanted my child. Dan & I sat there & tried to figure out names, we didn’t know yet if we had a boy or girl. At one point I began to sincerely freak out. I started telling Dan I wanted to bring the baby home until the funeral, It wasn’t fair! They shouldn’t be able to keep my baby from me, I can’t do this I can’t leave my baby here, I can’t do this. He prayed that God would bring me peace quickly & give me the strength to let go when it came time. The nurse came in & i told her how I felt, she looked at me & said “you’re baby isn’t here, you’re baby is in heaven being loved on by God, this is the body, but you’re baby isn’t here”
I know that may sound harsh to some, but it’s exactly what I needed to here.
My son, Isaac Jeremiah, was delivered into Jesus arms February 26th, 2008 at 3:46 am.
He was completely beautiful & amazing. So tiny yet so fearfully & wonderfully made. Praise God.
I held him & asked God to make these moments last a lifetime. I know I only held him a short time but it felt like forever.
We had a small service for my son the following Thursday. I never knew I would be the person up at the front, the long line of people waiting to express their sympathy. It was surreal.
I wish I could say that’s the end of my story but it’s not. There’s my sweet Hannah Joy.
We found out we were pregnant again, I was shocked but happy. I felt God knew we were ready & He was blessing us again so quickly. I was so scared most of the time, there were so many times I wept at the alter. Asking God to help me trust & let go. I prayed & cried all the time. When I went to the first appointment I was excited & nervous. The Dr said everything looked fine & he didn’t foresee any problems with this pregnancy. So things moved along as they should. I felt Hannah move early on & heard her hear beating at 12 weeks! Dan prayed every night for her, he would lean in to mu tummy & talk to her. He’d tell her about his day & how much he loved her. She would kick at him from time to time. It is one of my best memories of her. She loved her daddy.
At 18 weeks I had an appointment, I was so terrified. We found out at 18 weeks about our sweet Isaac. I remember sitting in the parking lot crying & crying. I knew I couldn’t walk in there without first letting go. I had to lay Hannah at the Lords feet once again. And trust Him with my heart. So, God & I had a long talk & once again He gave me the courage to move. To trust.
At this appointment I heard my Hannah’s heart beat for the last time. We had no idea that only a few days later she would die.
I went in for an ultrasound & my sweet princess had gone home. We endured the same pain & heartache as when we lost Isaac. But 100 times over.
There is no words to express the shock of hearing that another child of yours has died. There are no words to convey what it’s like to endure another funeral. To explain to your lil ones that they’re baby sister is in Heaven. To see those sweet little faces droop & hear the question “why”
Wanting to shake your fist up at the heavens & scream “WHY! How could you??? WHY?!!”
I had many days of living in darkness, of living in hopelessness. I lived in death for a long time. But God never changes, I can change upside down & inside out. But He, stays the same. You see, He was there every step, every scream, every tear. He never left my side, in fact He carried me the entire time.
I have a new found love & passion for Him, I still hurt & even get ticked sometimes. But when those emotions come I run to Him. I plead with Him for my heart & my sanity to not allow me back into that pit. He has been faithful, as He always is. And ever so patient.
I have yet to know “why” my children died. But I do know that they are in His presence & completely filled with His perfect love. And that brings me peace.

Thanks for letting me share my Isaac & Hannah with you.


Mother’s Day

May 10, 2009 by Audreys · Leave a Comment 

Just thinking about Mother’s Day brought some sadness with it because Katelyn was not here to spend the day with us.  At the same time I felt some joy in my heart because I was given the gift to become a Mom.  Sure we lost Katelyn, but we had the joy of meeting her, and were given the promise from our Father in Heaven that we will see her again. 

Never forget that you became a Mother when you first found out you were having a baby. 

Never forget that you became a Mom when you shed your first tear in excitement as you watched your baby move on an ultrasound, or heard his heartbeat.

No matter what anyone tells you to the contrary, you are a mother and a mom and you will always be.

So I pray that all Mothers whose babies were born in Heaven have a wonderful Mother’s Day.  I pray that when people ask you if you have children, that you respond similarly to how I have (based on your situation).  “Yes, I have a daughter, but she did not make it home from the hospital.”  I will always be a Mom, so will you.


Katelyn was stillborn but she was Still Born.  Whether your babies were considered a miscarriage, stillborn, or went to Heaven soon after birth, they are all precious in Jesus’ sight.  They were all Still Born.  Never forget that.