Starting 2009 with God’s grace

December 31, 2008 by Audreys · Leave a Comment 

Tonight we will be going to sleep to wake up to the New Year.  It is with both tears of joy and tears of sadness that I look back upon 2008.  There were so many victories, yet so many trials; so much laughter, yet so many tears.   But you know what?  I made it through everything thanks to Jesus.  I was never alone.  He steadied me when I was so grief-stricken that I couldn’t stand on my own; he comforted me during those first minutes, hours, days and months without Katelyn.   I can honestly say without a doubt that I could not have made it without Him. 

All within a year and a half, I changed jobs, bought a new car, moved residences, got married, went on a honeymoon, bought a new house, moved again, and just when things started to calm down, I gave birth to my daughter already knowing that her heart stopped beating and she would be stillborn.  Things slowed down quite a bit after that.

If I have learned anything through this, it is that things that once seemed important really aren’t that important anymore.   Situations, tragic or otherwise, make us stop and re-evaluate our priorities.  I realized that there were times when I put other people and things before God even if each time was unintentional.  I am now more in tune with making sure God is number one in my life always, because when you think about it, without Him there is no hope, there is no salvation, there is no peace.  So do I have all my priorities in order? Absolutely not, but I am working on it. And through the grace of God, I will.

What will the New Year bring?   Only God knows for sure.  But there is one thing I am certain of, and that is that there will be more joy in my life than in 2008.  Not because of circumstances alone, but because God has shown me that through Him I will have peace, joy and love that is just overflowing. 

My lips will shout for joy,
when I sing praises to you;
my soul also, which you have redeemed. Psalm 71:23

By God’s Grace…we are able to celebrate Christmas without Katelyn

December 22, 2008 by Audreys · Leave a Comment 

Christmas is a time to be joyful, to spend time with your family, to tuck your children in at night while you read the story of Jesus’ birth to them and shadows from the Christmas lights dance along the walls.  It is not a time for sorrow, it is a time to celebrate the gift of God’s son born that night so many years ago.  So, how are we coping, when our plans for spending our first Christmas with Katelyn have been changed?  It’s not easy, we will tell you that.  But, we pray each day for Jesus to give us enough grace to get through each minute of each day without her. 

Some of the things we are struggling with the most during this Christmas season are:

1.     Hearing a small infant cry

2.     Passing by countless children of all ages as they run around in outdoor play areas

3.     Listening to the giggles of small children as they make angels in the snow 

4.     Thinking back to how we imagined our first Christmas would be with Katelyn

5.     Remembering that Christmas Day marks 19 weeks since we lost our little girl. 

Some of the things we are doing to avoid these struggles are:

1.     Picturing Katelyn making snow angels in Heaven

2.     Knowing that Katelyn is spending Christmas with Jesus and the angels

3.     Remembering that although we lost Katelyn, she went straight into the arms of Jesus

We hold onto the verse in Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven”.  There is a season for grief, and there is a season for joy.  We are choosing to let Jesus fill our hearts with joy this Christmas.    Sure we still grieve, but it is for us, not for Katelyn.  She was stillborn, but she was Still Born.  She is in Heaven with Jesus.  What more could a little girl ask for? 

Ways that You Can Help

December 17, 2008 by Audreys · Leave a Comment 

1. Pray that God uses us beyond our human capabilities to share His saving grace with others who are grieving the loss of an infant

2. Pray that the brokenhearted turn to God so that He will rain down His grace on them

3. Share Jesus’ unconditional love to each grieving family, whether it is a child who lost a sibling, a grandparent who is grieving for their son or daughter who lost a baby, or even other close relatives.

4. Pray for peace for those couples trying to conceive.  Pray that God grants them patience, knowing that everything happens in His time, not ours.  

5. Pray that we continue to put God’s will before our own.

6. Forward this website link to anyone else you know who is grieving the loss of a child

7. Let us know if you have found any other information useful that we can add to



By God’s Grace…we are able to give it all to God

December 15, 2008 by Audreys · 4 Comments 

We have to be completely honest with you; there are moments when our faith wavers in and out.  During those moments, wallowing in our grief, we have come to the realization that our anger, our hurt, our tears, our upside down emotions are all the result of our focus being on what we wanted, not necessarily what God had planned for Katelyn.


We wanted to be a family.

We wanted our little girl no matter if she was healthy or not.

We wanted to protect her from all the bad things in life.

We wanted to be a Mom and Dad to Katelyn.

We wanted to raise our little girl to love Jesus.

We wanted to watch her make angels in the snow.

We wanted to swing her around in our arms as she giggled and her long, black curls bounced around.

Most of all, We wanted to tell her how much we love her. 


It is a daily struggle and it is so easy to fall into a state of anger, of denial, of hurt, of loss, of emptiness all within a period of a few minutes, or even seconds.  We know, because just out of nowhere something will trigger a thought and it will become an emotional battle to avoid breaking down.  It is natural to grieve, but we have to make sure that grief does not turn into hopelessness.  It is also natural to experience a plethora of emotions after the loss of a sweet, innocent child.  If there is one piece of advice we can give you, it is this – give it all to God.  Take your grief, your hurt, your pain, your anger, your hopelessness, your tears and give it all to God.  Lift your hands and let Him ease your pain.  We are not saying that the pain will go away completely, because it won’t.  You will never forget your precious baby and all the dreams you had for him or her.  Just know that when you give it to God, He will share your pain and comfort you.  Even Jesus wept after His friend Lazarus died. (John 11:35).  So, just as Jesus wept for Lazarus, so we weep for our losses.  Just as Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead to live with Him in eternity, so He has brought our babies out of darkness into the light that only He can shine. 


God has shown us that we need to trust Him with our whole hearts, not just part of them.  We now understand that the first words out of our mouths each day need to be “Lord, thank you for staying with us.  Thank you for comforting us in our grief.  Thank you for taking care of our little baby Grace.  We just ask you Father for enough grace to get us through today and enough strength to face any adversity that may come our way.”


We have to admit that it never crossed our minds to blame God for what happened to Katelyn.  God did not cause her to take her last breath before she was born, He was just there waiting to hold and comfort her when she first opened her eyes in Heaven.  His heart goes out to all of His children.  He did not take our babies away from us.  We just hope that everyone else who has lost a baby can come to understand this.  Some of you may know the exact reason why your baby was born without life.  Others, like us, will never know until we meet up with Jesus in Heaven.  We receive the same answer over and over again from every doctor we have seen; there is no medical reason for Katelyn’s death.  With this, we have a choice to make – keep chasing down the “Why?”, knowing we will never receive an answer, or accept the fact that there is no “Why?” that can be explained here on earth.  We have chosen to accept that she was cradled in Heaven and wait on the Lord until that day when we meet up with Jesus and Katelyn as she stands nearby waiting for us. What a blessed day that will be for us.