A Loss Without a Loss
March 29, 2010 by Audreys · 6 Comments
When we first launched the Cradled in Heaven website in late 2008 after losing Katelyn Grace, our number one focus was on stillborn children. It was a loss we had never experienced before that August, and something we have prayed unceasingly to never have to experience again. We had no idea that God had a much larger purpose for Baby Angel Grace.
The need to deliver Katelyn Grace without life just 2 weeks before we had planned to bring her home safe and healthy was gut wrenching. It was hard to imagine any pain that could even compare to leaving her alone at the hospital until someone from the funeral home came to pick her up.
We were beside ourselves, to say the least. Not knowing anyone else who had to deliver a baby who had already passed made it even harder. I remember the following weeks and hearing stories about parents losing their babies shortly after the babies were conceived, and I just could not relate. In my mind they were in another “group” which made their loss seem less significant to me. God quickly started to change my heart though, and my first instinct to separate myself from people with other types of infant losses faded away. Over the next few months, we extended the posts to include stories and information about miscarriages. Early infant death came next, then most recently toddler losses.
There is another type of loss that never crossed my mind until it happened to me. First, I should give you a little background. God blessed us with a little boy named Blake, born in August of 2009. I remember struggling with my faith on and off during the entire time until I held him in my arms for the first time. I could not imagine, nor could I have emotionally survived another loss. Each and every day I look into his eyes and thank God for this precious gift he has given us. I still do, even with recent news that made me feel like I did when we were first told that Katelyn had died.
There were no complications with Blake’s birth, and yet following his birth, I have had 3 surgeries and was told last Monday that we cannot have any more children as a result of medical ‘mistakes’ made in the procedures. There will be no more losses, because as the medical community has told us, there will be no more chances for children.
As I write this post, I have to admit I have tears in my eyes; mostly because a choice to have more children has been taken away from my husband and me, but also because I never included this type of a ‘loss’ on the website. This is a loss without a loss. It is a loss of hope for children, a loss of a choice, a loss of what many people long for and never experience. Children change us and, as I have quickly noticed with Blake, soften our hearts.
I feel I need to apologize to all of the mothers and fathers who have received the same news my husband and I have. By not even mentioned this type of a ‘loss without a loss’ I have inadvertently excluded it from the losses we write about. For that, I am truly sorry.
It has been a week now since we received the news, and I am still struggling with it. At the same time though God keeps reminding me of the beautiful little boy I have at home. He has also brought to mind (as have several people) the story of Abraham and Sara. When Abraham thought all was lost, God promised him that he would have a son.
“But Abram said, “O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?” And Abram said, “Behold, you have given me no offspring, and a member of my household will be my heir.” And behold, the word of the Lord came to him: “This man shall not be your heir; your very own son shall be your heir.” And he brought him outside and said, “Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” And he believed the Lord, and he counted it to him as righteousness.” Genesis 15:2-5 (ESV)
What a promise! The only problem was that Abraham’s wife Sara did not believe God’s promise and decided to take matters into her own hands.
“Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress.” Genesis 16:1-4 (ESV)
Suffice it to say, God kept his promise. As we learn in Genesis 21:1
“The Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did to Sarah as he had promised. And Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age at the time of which God had spoken to him.”
Even though I have not completely come to terms with this recent news, I now understand a little more about why it happened. Even though there is no ‘tangible’ loss when someone is told they cannot conceive, there really is ‘a loss without a loss’ to mourn. The good news? God is bigger and more powerful and more faithful and more everything and nothing at all is impossible with him. All we have to do is believe and trust in Him, and He will be with us every step of the way.
I am putting my faith and trust in the only true God, our Lord Jesus Christ, and believing in a miracle.
Pray for Parents of Stillborn Babies on Facebook
November 10, 2009 by Audreys · Leave a Comment
As each day passes, we are amazed at the amount of people who visit this website. More often than not it is because they have also lost a child. Whether it is due to a miscarriage, a stillbirth, or an early infant death, we all have one thing in common – we are living without at least one of our children.
There are so many websites out there that claim to “research stillbirth” and, of course, want financial donations. There are others that claim their products can actually “prevent stillbirth”. Interesting, to say the least.
My prayer is that you avoid these websites as we have. A majority of the time, there is no medical reason for babies who are stillborn. All the research in the world would not have prevented Katelyn’s death, and millions of others. There are so many wonderful people that we have met through Katelyn’s site, and in my heart I know they believe the same about their sweet little babies.
I was on Facebook the other day and it hit me; why don’t we start a cause for parents of stillborn babies. Our mission is absolutely, positively not to request donations. We just want to demonstrate our faith in the power of prayer, and make everyone aware that parents of stillborn children need prayer. I have to admit that there have been more days than not when I relied on prayer to get me through them.
There is also one other reason why we started a cause on Facebook. There are so many mothers and fathers all over the world that have lost a child and yet have not been on our website. For those who are gracious enough to share the stories of their little babies with us, we want to post their stories of faith and healing on our site. After all, the site is not just about Katelyn and stillbirth – it is about every other baby who was either born in Heaven, or left us before we were ready to let them go.
God Bless everyone who joins our cause and shares the message of hope and healing that we can only receive through Jesus Christ. It is only through prayer that we can truly help parents who have lost children. Besides, in Matthew Chapter 18, verses 19 and 20, Jesus promised, “Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” What more could we ask for?
We would be blessed if you could join our Cause on Facebook via the following link:
Pray for Parents of Stillborn Babies on Facebook
A Loss is a Loss
March 16, 2009 by Audreys · Leave a Comment
I finally made it to the point where I was beginning to heal enough so that I could talk about Katelyn without crying and bring her up in ordinary conversation with a smile on my face. I would try to imagine how much fun she was having with all of the other babies that were born in Heaven, and try to imagine how Jesus was holding each of them at once. I was healing. But yesterday morning, for the first time in a long time, a wave of grief hit me so unexpectedly that I was unable to cope with it on my own.
Yesterday marked 7 months since Katelyn went to Heaven to meet Jesus. To be completely honest, I wasn’t paying much attention to the dates until it hit me right in the middle of a church service yesterday morning. It was a family-centered service where the children who normally went off to classes stayed with their parents for the service. Surrounded by children, and watching some of them run up to the stage to volunteer to sing in a special ‘volunteer choir’ and listening as they sang their hearts out brought tears to my eyes.
Toward the end of the service, there were a few guests who spoke about adoption and how God placed a desire on their hearts to adopt one or more special needs children. The one couple spoke of a very early miscarriage (after just a few weeks) and how devastating that was for them. I then thought to myself, how can a loss that early on be nearly as devastating as losing a child who is within days of being born. I admit I was ashamed at my thoughts, because a loss is a loss, but I have trouble relating their situation to ours since we were within days of holding our newborn baby girl and then her little heart stopped for no medical reason at all.
I just sat for the remainder of the service weeping. I was emotionally spent and feeling very guilty about my thoughts about the other couples’ loss. I took one look at Katelyn’s picture that was in my Bible and tears started to stream down my face. I honestly could not have stopped them on my own. Sometimes people may say I am too sensitive and emotional, but I would rather be able to show my emotions than keep them to myself.
So what helped? Praying for God to forgive me for my thoughts and asking one of the pastors at Harvest to pray for Scott and me. I felt as if we just lost Katelyn yesterday; the sadness was that overpowering. After he prayed with us, I felt completely covered with such a peace that I can’t even describe it.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because even though Scott and I launched this website to help other parents of stillborn babies, we still struggle ourselves. After all, we are only human. Our strength comes from the Lord. The only way we will get through this is through Him. He loves us so much, and holding on to His promises keeps us going every day.
So, for those parents who have suffered early miscarriages, late miscarriages, stillbirths, and early infant death, I want you to know that God loves you so much that He was there with open arms when our babies took their last breaths. And I learned a valuable lesson yesterday; no matter when our babies died, we all suffered, and one loss is not greater than another. Know that my prayers are with you, even though we have never met.
