Time spent with Katelyn - Video
January 23, 2009 by Audreys · 1 Comment
Another Katelyn Grace
January 16, 2009 by Audreys · 2 Comments
Below is the story of another baby girl named Katelyn Grace. She joined our Katelyn in Heaven 6 days later. Thanks to Susanne for sharing her story
Hi, everyone. I wanted to share my family’s story, and it’s pretty amazing because my daughter is also Katelyn Grace. Katelyn was born into heaven on August 21, 2008. I had a very uneventful pregnancy, but it was so joyful. We had tried to conceive for about 18 months, taking clomid, being tested for various complications. Then we decided to stop trying, and I became pregnant with Katelyn. We were so blissfully happy, preparing the nursery, sharing our pictures and journaling online so our friends and family could share in the experience with us. We could not wait to meet our daughter. We were so ready!!
I went into see the OB on August 18 for my 40 week checkup, and everything was fine. I was slightly dilated and effaced, but I had been for several weeks. Katelyn’s heartbeat was nice and strong, and she was moving all over. We decided to induce Wednesday night b/c that was the soonest they could get us in. So, Wednesday night we left for the hospital, about 5 minutes from our house, carseat and bags in tow. I hadn’t felt Katelyn move AS much that day, but I was also told she wouldn’t b/c she was engaged in the birth canal already. Monday, the OB could feel her head when she checked my cervix.
So, we were being admitted, changing into the gown, getting the monitors in place. Tammy, my wonderful nurse, was having a hard time locating Katelyn’s heartbeat, and I am became very afraid. No one had ever had trouble finding it before!! She was so healthy! This couldn’t be happening!! Tammy left to page the doctor to perform an ultrasound. The OB came in, confirmed that Katelyn no longer had a heartbeat, that my sweet baby was gone. I was in complete shock. Our parents were there, came in, were told what had happened, and the rest of our family was contacted. I just wanted the doctor to cut her out of me. I couldn’t believe having to go through labor and delivery and not having my sweet girl going home with me. It was unbearable.
But then, I knew deep down, I had to take care of Katelyn. I received my epidural, the medication to begin labor, and I just calmed. I knew when it was time to deliver, and I pushed for 16 minutes before I met my sweet baby girl, Katelyn. She was beautiful, looked exactly like her daddy!! She was 5 pounds, 12 ounces, 19 inches long, and she had big hands and big feet! Now I knew what had been sticking in my ribs for the last few months, those giant feet.
We held her, had her pictures taken, and just enjoyed being with her. I couldn’t help crying and being sad b/c I knew I would never hear her cry, never see her eyes, never see her smile. I was so empty, yet so happy to finally meet my daughter. I was simply overwhelmed. I didn’t want to give her back when I finally chose to be discharged.
We opted to not have an autopsy done, and we had her buried at a cemetary very close to our home. her room has remained the same. I do not plan to change anything until God blesses us with another child. There is no replacing my Katelyn.
Since I lost Katelyn, we now know that I have a gene for a clotting disorder, called MTHFR gene. Meaning my blood can clot too much, and I do not metabolize folic acid well. So, I take folic acid and baby aspirin daily, and I will take heparin injections if I become pregnant again. We also know that I have a somewhat rare placental condition called chronic villitis of unknown etiology. This may or may not come back if I get pregnant again. Again, heparin injections are the treatment of choice.
I absolutely hate that my daughter is not here with me and her family, but I would never have known about anything of these conditions I have if I had not lost her. I miss her every second of every day. I love you, Katelyn Grace Crotty.
Starting 2009 with God’s grace
December 31, 2008 by Audreys · Leave a Comment
Tonight we will be going to sleep to wake up to the New Year. It is with both tears of joy and tears of sadness that I look back upon 2008. There were so many victories, yet so many trials; so much laughter, yet so many tears. But you know what? I made it through everything thanks to Jesus. I was never alone. He steadied me when I was so grief-stricken that I couldn’t stand on my own; he comforted me during those first minutes, hours, days and months without Katelyn. I can honestly say without a doubt that I could not have made it without Him.
All within a year and a half, I changed jobs, bought a new car, moved residences, got married, went on a honeymoon, bought a new house, moved again, and just when things started to calm down, I gave birth to my daughter already knowing that her heart stopped beating and she would be stillborn. Things slowed down quite a bit after that.
If I have learned anything through this, it is that things that once seemed important really aren’t that important anymore. Situations, tragic or otherwise, make us stop and re-evaluate our priorities. I realized that there were times when I put other people and things before God even if each time was unintentional. I am now more in tune with making sure God is number one in my life always, because when you think about it, without Him there is no hope, there is no salvation, there is no peace. So do I have all my priorities in order? Absolutely not, but I am working on it. And through the grace of God, I will.
What will the New Year bring? Only God knows for sure. But there is one thing I am certain of, and that is that there will be more joy in my life than in 2008. Not because of circumstances alone, but because God has shown me that through Him I will have peace, joy and love that is just overflowing.
My lips will shout for joy,
when I sing praises to you;
my soul also, which you have redeemed. Psalm 71:23
By God’s Grace…we are able to celebrate Christmas without Katelyn
December 22, 2008 by Audreys · Leave a Comment
Christmas is a time to be joyful, to spend time with your family, to tuck your children in at night while you read the story of Jesus’ birth to them and shadows from the Christmas lights dance along the walls. It is not a time for sorrow, it is a time to celebrate the gift of God’s son born that night so many years ago. So, how are we coping, when our plans for spending our first Christmas with Katelyn have been changed? It’s not easy, we will tell you that. But, we pray each day for Jesus to give us enough grace to get through each minute of each day without her.
Some of the things we are struggling with the most during this Christmas season are:
1. Hearing a small infant cry
2. Passing by countless children of all ages as they run around in outdoor play areas
3. Listening to the giggles of small children as they make angels in the snow
4. Thinking back to how we imagined our first Christmas would be with Katelyn
5. Remembering that Christmas Day marks 19 weeks since we lost our little girl.
Some of the things we are doing to avoid these struggles are:
1. Picturing Katelyn making snow angels in Heaven
2. Knowing that Katelyn is spending Christmas with Jesus and the angels
3. Remembering that although we lost Katelyn, she went straight into the arms of Jesus
We hold onto the verse in Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven”. There is a season for grief, and there is a season for joy. We are choosing to let Jesus fill our hearts with joy this Christmas. Sure we still grieve, but it is for us, not for Katelyn. She was stillborn, but she was Still Born. She is in Heaven with Jesus. What more could a little girl ask for?
Ways that You Can Help
December 17, 2008 by Audreys · Leave a Comment
1. Pray that God uses us beyond our human capabilities to share His saving grace with others who are grieving the loss of an infant
2. Pray that the brokenhearted turn to God so that He will rain down His grace on them
3. Share Jesus’ unconditional love to each grieving family, whether it is a child who lost a sibling, a grandparent who is grieving for their son or daughter who lost a baby, or even other close relatives.
4. Pray for peace for those couples trying to conceive. Pray that God grants them patience, knowing that everything happens in His time, not ours.
5. Pray that we continue to put God’s will before our own.
6. Forward this website link www.cradledinheaven.com to anyone else you know who is grieving the loss of a child
7. Let us know if you have found any other information useful that we can add to cradledinheaven.com
By God’s Grace…we are able to give it all to God
December 15, 2008 by Audreys · 4 Comments
We have to be completely honest with you; there are moments when our faith wavers in and out. During those moments, wallowing in our grief, we have come to the realization that our anger, our hurt, our tears, our upside down emotions are all the result of our focus being on what we wanted, not necessarily what God had planned for Katelyn.
We wanted to be a family.
We wanted our little girl no matter if she was healthy or not.
We wanted to protect her from all the bad things in life.
We wanted to be a Mom and Dad to Katelyn.
We wanted to raise our little girl to love Jesus.
We wanted to watch her make angels in the snow.
We wanted to swing her around in our arms as she giggled and her long, black curls bounced around.
Most of all, We wanted to tell her how much we love her.
It is a daily struggle and it is so easy to fall into a state of anger, of denial, of hurt, of loss, of emptiness all within a period of a few minutes, or even seconds. We know, because just out of nowhere something will trigger a thought and it will become an emotional battle to avoid breaking down. It is natural to grieve, but we have to make sure that grief does not turn into hopelessness. It is also natural to experience a plethora of emotions after the loss of a sweet, innocent child. If there is one piece of advice we can give you, it is this – give it all to God. Take your grief, your hurt, your pain, your anger, your hopelessness, your tears and give it all to God. Lift your hands and let Him ease your pain. We are not saying that the pain will go away completely, because it won’t. You will never forget your precious baby and all the dreams you had for him or her. Just know that when you give it to God, He will share your pain and comfort you. Even Jesus wept after His friend Lazarus died. (John 11:35). So, just as Jesus wept for Lazarus, so we weep for our losses. Just as Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead to live with Him in eternity, so He has brought our babies out of darkness into the light that only He can shine.
God has shown us that we need to trust Him with our whole hearts, not just part of them. We now understand that the first words out of our mouths each day need to be “Lord, thank you for staying with us. Thank you for comforting us in our grief. Thank you for taking care of our little baby Grace. We just ask you Father for enough grace to get us through today and enough strength to face any adversity that may come our way.”
We have to admit that it never crossed our minds to blame God for what happened to Katelyn. God did not cause her to take her last breath before she was born, He was just there waiting to hold and comfort her when she first opened her eyes in Heaven. His heart goes out to all of His children. He did not take our babies away from us. We just hope that everyone else who has lost a baby can come to understand this. Some of you may know the exact reason why your baby was born without life. Others, like us, will never know until we meet up with Jesus in Heaven. We receive the same answer over and over again from every doctor we have seen; there is no medical reason for Katelyn’s death. With this, we have a choice to make – keep chasing down the “Why?”, knowing we will never receive an answer, or accept the fact that there is no “Why?” that can be explained here on earth. We have chosen to accept that she was cradled in Heaven and wait on the Lord until that day when we meet up with Jesus and Katelyn as she stands nearby waiting for us. What a blessed day that will be for us.
